Taking Other Children Along?
If you already have children at home when you accept the referral of your new child, you’ll be facing quite a dilemma: Should I bring my children with me when I travel? There is no hard-and-fast right answer to this situation. A lot has to do with how long your trip will be. (There’s a big difference between being gone for one week and being gone for four weeks!) The right thing to do in this situation is going to differ from family to family.
On one side of the coin, there are the parents who respond with an emphatic, “Of course the children should travel!” The families who have brought their children with them to bring home the new child say that this was absolutely the right thing to do – they couldn’t imagine leaving their children at home. They believe that international adoption is a family affair, and leaving out part of the family just wouldn’t be right.
Bringing your kids with you to welcome their new sibling to the family lets them take some ownership of the process. In other words, their traveling to meet their new sibling is concrete proof that they are an important part of the international adoption journey. Also, having a built-in playgroup may help your new little one feel more comfortable more quickly. There’s also the added advantage that children can entertain each other very nicely – you’ll see this as quite a blessing on that long, long, LONG return flight home.
On the flip side of this issue are the parents who respond, “Are you out of your mind? There’s no way I’m going to tackle traveling overseas with two (or three, or four, or whatever) children in tow!” The families who have chosen to leave their children with Grandma and Grandpa while they travel to bring their new child home are unanimous in believing that this was the correct choice. These parents believe that traveling alone allowed them to completely focus on the new child and give him undivided attention. They say that this one-on-one approach makes it much easier to get to know the personality of their new child and for the child to get to know – and thus begin to trust – his new parents. And familiarity and trust leads to attachment and bonding between the child and his parents – the goal of every family, whether built by Mother Nature or built through adoption.
So how do you decide what is right for you? First, discuss it with your spouse and your children. Talk about both the positive and negative aspects of bringing your kids along. On the plus side, international travel is educational – American kids too often believe that their lifestyle is how everyone else in the world lives. Seeing how people in other countries live may make your children more appreciative of the opportunities and comforts living in America brings – and may even spur them to reach out to those less fortunate. On the downside, international airfare can be very expensive – even the cheapest coach-class tickets can cost thousands of dollars. It may come down to a simple matter of economics.
Before you decide, be sure to talk with other adoptive parents who have (and have not) traveled with their children (your adoption agency may be able to connect you with these folks). No one can give you better information and insight than someone who has already “been there and done that.” In the end, the choice is up to you. You know your family best – no one else can make the right decision for you.
Excerpted from "International Adoption Guidebook," Mary M. Strickert.
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