Quest for Mia part 5
Chad and I both have active imaginations. When there is silence on car trips, it is always interesting to hear what the other person has going through their mind. Chad is usually making a music video where he is the lead singer of whatever song is playing on the radio and I’m planning a party where the guests shows up in some sort of costume. Most recently though, I’ve been daydreaming about Mia. I imagine the day that our referral comes through. How will I react? Will I scream or cry with elation? Will I feel connected to her? And then how will I survive the following weeks until we go to pick her up? I’ve heard it is torture. Can I function at work and will I be able to pull it together to get the house ready for her to come home to?
I also imagine the day we meet her in China. My mind can only dwell on that thought for a nano-second because of the height of emotion. What in the world will that be like? I want to capture it on video, but I want be in the moment and feel the experience completely, not worrying about hitting a red record button and holding a camera steady so that I don’t get motion sick when we play it back.
How long will it take for us to get used to each other? Will she attach to us? I’ve never been a mom before. When she’s crying will I know how to meet her needs? Again I am comforted by the thought that I’ve kept a dog alive for nearly five years now. I’m pretty in-tune with Nala’s needs…and how much more will I want to nurture a tiny human? Oh, but then there’s my history with plants. Haven’t kept one healthy to date. Guess this is where God comes in. I trust that he will equip me when it is time or give me strength enough to ask someone else for help.
I know that my life is going to be completely unrecognizable from the life I live today. Currently I can do whatever I want whenever I want. There is tons of time to be selfish and explore different interests. I work as much as I feel the need and fix dinner around 9:00pm on occasion just to feel European. Life as I know it is pretty great, but I certainly don’t want to live this life forever. I want to grow in selflessness and experience the joys and pains of child rearing. I’m so willing to give up the spontaneity, but what does all of this mean? What will my new life be like? Will I be adjustable to her schedule changes? Will I miss my selfish times? How will I deal with sleep deprivation? Will I be a good teacher? Can I instill a love for God and Jesus? Will she have as many questions as I do? These thoughts weigh heavy in my mind. I will take them to my prayer time.
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