Our Adoption Story by Tim Kinsey

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Three months ago, our lives were changed forever, when my wife Laurel and I met our daughter Emerson for the first time. After a long flight to China, preceded by almost two years of waiting, we met this beautiful little girl with big dark eyes and a inquisitive look on her face.

When I’m asked what the most memorable part of our adoption experience was, there are three days that will live in my memory forever. All of these days serve to remind me of God’s love, His grace, and the amazing ways that he answers prayer.

December 9, 2002

This morning as I prayed about our Chinese daughter, the thought struck me, “I’ll bet we hear something today.” After all, it had been almost 14 months before that our dossier had gone to China, and according to the timelines given to us by Hope for Children, it looked like we were getting close.

Faithful, prophetic, coincidental, or just plain lucky, you can’t imagine the top-of-the-rollercoaster feeling I got when, listening to my voicemail at work later in the morning, I heard “Tim, this is Chrissy Alberi with Hope for Children. I’m in my office with Kent Brand, so call me when you get this message.”

Kent Brand? She’s in the office with Kent Brand? If ever the proverbial stork existed in human form, it was in the likeness of Kent Brand. He’s the baby guy at Hope! Fingers shaking, I called the number to the Hope office (memorized from the full 14 months of dossier to referral time for Chinese adoptions) and reached Chrissy. I’ll never forget her first few words: “I’m looking at a picture of a little girl…”

Our little girl. Our daughter. She’s here. Or there. We’re here, she’s there, but we’re together…kind of. There’s finally a baby attached to our prayers and dreams! We were reaching the end of the red thread.

“…she’s 8 months old and her name is Gúo Wen Gao. She’s described as active and energetic, and fond of imitating,” Chrissy continued. “Eight months old?” I said. “That means she wasn’t even born when we started the process!” Amazing.

Somehow, I managed to drive to the Hope office and pick up the referral packet, which we would need to have translated from Chinese to English. I saw the picture on her official paperwork, the size of a postage stamp. As I looked at the other pictures sent by the orphanage, I saw that this little girl was indeed pretty serious. The closest thing to a smile was her furrowed brow. And what a wild hairdo she was sporting! No wonder she was so serious.

Determined to surprise Laurel with the news, I drove to the school where she teaches and walked into the office where she was. She turned around and saw me and excitedly said “Why are you here!?” I held up the picture and said, “Happy Birthday, one day late…we got our referral!” Her daily prayers to have our referral by her birthday (December 8) were answered. After all, it was probably December 8 th somewhere in the world, right? We were in a state of euphoria for the next several hours as we called family and friends with the news. I checked our sons Landon and Evan out of school early and took them home, sat them down and told them the news. “We got our referral today…we have a picture of Emerson!” They both looked at her picture and fell in love with their new sister.

Because we had heard that so many Chinese babies were abandoned with no information about their birth date or anything about their previous life, Laurel had prayed throughout our entire adoption process that our daughter would be found with a note with her birth date on it, and some connection to her family. We knew at some point in her life, it would be important to her.

Since most of the packet we received in our referral was written in Chinese, I took the forms to a Chinese minister who had agreed to translate them to English for us. As he began reading the narrative, that tingly feeling you get when something really ironic or special happens ran down my spine. He began reading:

“It says here that she was born on April 12, 2002, and they know that was her actual birthday because she was found with a note when she was five days old near the branch of a Bank of China in Zhuzhou City. She’s been in the orphanage ever since.”

Found with a note…exactly the answer to Laurel’s prayer. A note from her mother, or someone who cared enough to know that she’d want to know when her real birthday was. God is truly good. And kind of scary sometimes at how specifically He answers specific prayers.

That night we celebrated with (what else) Chinese food! At the restaurant, we proudly showed off our pictures to the Chinese waitresses who all commented on how lucky and pretty this baby was. We couldn’t wait to meet her!

Sunday, February 16, 2003 – Changsha, Hunan Province, China

After a month or so of planning our travel and making all the arrangements, we left for China on Valentines’ Day. Crossing over the International Date Line somewhere over the Pacific Ocean, we lost a day, arriving in Guangzhou, China on February 16…our 12 th wedding anniversary. Along with Laurel and I, our travel group consisted of Chrissy Alberi from Hope for Children; Thom and Kathy Dulaney, who were also from Georgia and would be adopting Nikki, a 2 year old girl; and Karla Price, a single mom who lived very close to us, who would be adopting Helena, a baby girl the same age as Emerson.

In the Guangzhou airport, we met Jophy Lau, who works for Hope for Children in China and would serve as our guide, interpreter and all-around savior during the trip. Later in the day, our travel group boarded a domestic flight to Changsha, the province where our babies were. What a little family we had already become with our travel group. Arriving in Changsha, we each gathered our luggage and boarded the bus to the hotel. On the bus, Jophy told us that we would be meeting our babies this evening at 7:30pm!

After finally settling in our hotel room and being relieved to find Western toilets in the bathroom, we returned to the lobby an hour later. The babies were there, all bundled up in snow suits and sitting quietly with two of the workers from the orphanage. We walked across the lobby timidly, wondering if we were supposed to wait for some sort of signal. Jophy motioned us over, saying “These are your babies.” So, we walked over, easily recognizing Gúo Wen Gao from her pictures. Laurel took her from the nanny and began to talk to her while I fumbled with the three cameras we brought….clicking away to record this magic moment.

We learned that the woman who brought Nikki to the hotel was a teacher at the orphanage, and she had also brought a 12-year-old girl with her to help with the babies. The girl was so happy, going from baby to baby to give them toys and comfort them. We learned that she was deaf, could speak only through sign language, and lived at the orphanage.

Our initial meeting was far less ceremonial than I had imagined it would be. I pictured us all being in a hotel conference room and the babies would come in when their Chinese names were announced. Then we’d walk up and receive our Asian bundles of joy from the caretaker, who would bow and smile. I imagined it being a very emotional moment, when at last this abandoned child would be placed into the arms of her new parents, an orphan no more.

Having the “gotcha moment” take place in a hotel lobby with a bunch of tourists bustling about was a little strange, but we didn’t care a bit. Emerson seemed mildly interested in us; and extremely interested in the Cheerios we brought. As we all sat in the lobby getting acquainted, Emerson would look deeply into our eyes as if searching for something. I couldn’t help but think that maybe she recognized us from the pictures we sent over in a care package to the orphanage a few weeks earlier. All of the other parents were having an equally good time meeting their new daughters. We came equipped with toys, too, so the transition would at least be entertaining for her. Our sons had picked out a stuffed animal just for Emerson, so as I took her from Laurel, I told her “Your brothers picked this out just for you.” After a little while, Jophy told us that our paperwork could be postponed until the next day, since the babies needed to eat, since it had been a long drive from the orphanage.

So, we took our bundled-up Asian princess to our room. We had wondered how she’d react when we took her from her nannies, since she was so unaccustomed to strangers. I had prayed continually that we’d have a smooth transition and that she wouldn’t be too upset to leave with us, knowing it’s often a traumatic moment for orphans. But God answered yet another of our prayers, as she left with us without a single tear. Whether it was the Cheerios, the toys, or her comfort with us, we were grateful that God had blessed our prayer for our first moments together.

In the room, we peeled off the snowsuit and discovered four more layers of clothing. We had taken the snow hat off earlier, revealing her flyaway hairdo matted to her head with sweat. We had been told earlier about the Chinese tradition of dressing children in many layers to protect the skin, and that we should adhere to the tradition while we were in China. Since the temperature in Changsha was averaging in the 50’s, we knew we could probably get by with a few less layers when we ventured out to our appointments the next day.

Now would come the true test of our parenting skills: which bottle and which formula would she take? We had brought four different kinds of nipples and four different formulas, since we weren’t sure what she had had in the orphanage. We didn’t have to work too hard; she settled on a traditional bottle with Carnation formula…the same kinds our boys had taken.

We spent the next hour or so playing on the bed and checking her out. She seemed so small, so delicate. “What a little princess”, we commented. “We’re just going to have to fatten you up a bit!” As we played on the bed, showing her the toys we brought, she would look at the toys, then at us. She would grasp each toy and shake it up and down. Never once did she crack a smile. She wasn’t unhappy, just very serious. “Well, we’ll fix that”, I said. Since I consider humor as necessary as air and water, with two wildly happy and carefree boys, I knew she would shed that furrowed brow within time. My goal is that I would get a smile out of her within the first day. When I tickled her ribs, she squirmed…but didn’t laugh. It was almost as if she didn’t know how to react. I could tell it tickled her, but maybe she just didn’t know how to laugh? Hmmm..I’ve got my work cut out for me, I thought. I blew into her bare tummy and made the traditional raspberry noise (which is the same in every language), and got a little smile. That would do for now.

She took her bottle and went to bed without incident, very quiet, very peaceful. Laurel and I looked at each other and just laughed: “Well that was easy!” She slept through the night the first night, much to her travel-weary new parents’ relief. The end of the red thread….amazing.

Wednesday, February 19, 2003 – Zhuzhou City, Hunan Province, China

We had been told that we would be able to visit the abandonment places of the babies in our travel group, as well as the orphanage they were raised in. So we boarded our bus and set out for Zhuzhou City, about a two hour drive from Changsha.

The time just flew as we played with our new daughters on the bus. Before long, we were in Zhuzhou. As we drove along a busy, crowded four lane road, Jophy read street signs. As I looked in the faces of some many people from my bus window, I couldn’t help but think that Emerson’s family was out there somewhere. As we passed an intersection on Xin Húa Drive, Jophy told the bus driver to stop. “This is Gúo Wen Gao’s abandon place”, she said. “Kinsey family, come with me.” Laurel and I left the bus with Jophy, handing Emerson over to Chrissy. As we looked across the street, there we saw the branch office of the Bank of China. We crossed the street and stood on the corner near the bank, taking pictures of the site where she was abandoned. The pictures will hopefully help her in later years fill in the gaps of her life that she’ll have no memory of. The information we received from the orphanage stated that she had been found on the sidewalk near the bank, so we could only imagine the exact place where she was left. As I saw how busy the street was, I knew that whoever left her there wanted her to be found quickly. There was a profound emotional feeling seeing the place where our daughter’s known history began. Since she was found at 5 days old, nothing is known about her life before being left at this place. I imagined her birth mother leaving her there and hiding somewhere nearby to make sure she was noticed and picked up. I felt a sad and empty feeling of loss for both for Emerson and her birth mother. When we boarded the bus later, all we wanted to do is just hold Emerson and hug her.

The Dulaneys felt the same way when we found the tax assessors office where Nikki had been found, also in Zhuzhou City. We traveled a good ways into the countryside in order to find Helena’s abandonment site, but after several wrong turns and sketchy directions, Karla decided to forego seeing the actual site. We then set out for the orphanage.

As we entered the busy city again, we soon turned onto a side street which led us to the tall white buildings of the Zhuzhou Children’s Social Welfare Institute. A group of happy children ran up to meet the bus, waving and laughing. As we got off the bus, Nikki became very excited and all the children surrounded her, remembering her as one of their friends. Nikki smiled proudly with her friends as we took pictures.

We were taken to a reception room where we met with the orphanage director, Ms. Zhang, and the assistant director, Mr. Wu. Ms. Liu, the teacher we had met at the hotel, also came in. We were able to ask more questions about the children’s schedules and the orphanage, and to give our gifts to the director and assistant director. Part of the adoption process involves giving small gifts of thanks to the notary and orphanage workers, so we gave them our gifts with many smiles and expressions of thanks to them.

As we sat in the reception room, Laurel and I asked Jophy to ask the assistant director about the note that had been found with Emerson. As she asked him in Chinese, he turned and picked up a piece of paper from a nearby table and handed it to Jophy. Jophy glanced at the wrinkled piece of paper, reading its Chinese letters. Tears began to well in her eyes and she told us that she would translate it for us later. She was clearly overcome with emotion. As we looked at the paper, we noticed it had a lot more writing on it than just her birth date. We were so anxious to see what the note said, since it obviously stirred up so much emotion in Jophy.

We left the reception room and went to visit the toddler rooms and infant rooms where our girls had lived for most of their lives. The orphanage was clean, bright and decorated with a few brightly colored decorations in each room. Nikki proudly showed us the bed where she had slept, and then we went to the infant room. We met some of the nannies in the room, and all of them were so excited to see Nikki, Emerson and Helena again. We were all so amazed and grateful that the girls didn’t seem to mind being back there. In the infant room, we had arrived during “music time”. The four or five nannies were playing with the babies while an electronic keyboard in a corner of the room belted out some snappy tunes. There were about fifteen babies in the infant room, all under one year old. Some were in high chairs, some in walkers, some crawling around on the play mat on the floor. My heart just ached as we walked in the room. All of the babies seemed so serious. As our babies had been, each was dressed in several layers of clothing, covered by some sort of snow suit. However, all of their pants were split at the crotch for easy diaper-changing. Each one was wearing a cloth diaper, tied around their waist with a cord.

As I got down on the floor to play with one of the babies, I was determined to get a smile out of one of them, and it didn’t take long. Handing a squeaky toy to one shy little girl, I got a smile that made her eyes disappear. My heart just melted. I looked over and saw that one of the nannies was holding Emerson and dancing around and playing with her. It was so strange to imagine her in this room as one of the orphans as I saw her in her American clothes and pigtails. Just a few short days ago, this was her entire world.

After we had played with the children for awhile, we saw the room with their beds, and one of the nannies told us which one was Emerson’s, and which one was Helena’s. Their cribs were just across from each other, touching at one of the corners. Amazing. Only a crib apart in China, and they were going to live only 2 miles from each other in America. God’s red thread continues to unravel!

As we reluctantly left the orphanage, we all felt so sad for the children we had to leave behind, who didn’t have a family. No wonder so many Chinese people kept coming up to us in public and saying “Lucky” as they patted our babies We were also sad for our daughters, knowing they would most likely never see these people again. As we were leaving the infant room, the nanny that had been holding Emerson held her close and just cried. So did we. Seeing the love this woman felt for our daughter spoke more than our two languages ever could. Yes, it was an emotional day. Seeing the short histories of our little girls was sad in some ways, happy in others. It was sad in that they had been so deprived of individual attention, but we were happy to know that we could change all of that very quickly. We were also happy and so grateful to have been able to visit the orphanage, since many orphanages don’t allow outside visitors.

Back on the bus, we quickly asked Jophy to tell us what the note said that had been left with Emerson. She said she thought it had been written by someone young, given how the handwriting looked.

Did I mention it had been an emotional day? If we hadn’t cried enough with seeing the abandonment site and the orphanage, this letter was enough to put us over the edge. The letter just echoed with so much hurt and loss. We could only imagine what the family situation had been. Were they too poor to take care of a child? Did they already have a child? Were the parents too young? Too old? Having seen where she had been left and now reading the note, we knew her family wanted her to have a better life. It was so incredible to believe that looking into the deep, dark eyes of this beautiful little girl that someone could ever give her up. But, I can’t even pretend to know all of the reasons that Chinese women give up their children. I do know that most all of them want their daughters to have a better life. As Emerson slept in my arms on the bus ride back to the hotel, I felt so profoundly sad and happy at the same time. I wondered about Emerson’s birth mother and father. Knowing they didn’t know what became of her, I thought of how relieved they might be, knowing she was going to have a family, but also how sad they might be to know they couldn’t provide that home. I felt a strange bond with them that day, silently pledging that o8ur common daughter would indeed have a good life, as much as it was in my power to give her.

Today – Back home, with life resembling something close to normal

Fast forward to the present, and we’ve been home in Georgia now for about 2 months. On April 12, we celebrated Emerson’s first birthday with a little party that seemed to both amuse and confuse her. She was pretty happy when we sang “Happy Birthday” to her, but she cried when we gave her a little cake to eat with her hands, and would have nothing to do with the icing or cake when we tried to feed it to her. Amazingly enough, she prefers bland and sometimes spicy foods, but not sweets! Maybe we should have made a cake entirely of Cheerios!

Emerson has adjusted amazingly well to her new American life. She loves her brothers, and they sometimes argue over who’s going to get to hold her or play with her. She’s walking when we hold her hands and guide her around, and gone are the serious, furrowed-brow looks that were so common in China. She’s happy, noisy and busy most of the day now and always quick to give a smile or try to make you laugh by a face that she makes. She loves meeting new people, and just charms the socks off anyone who sees her big dark eyes and sweet dimpled smile.

We’re grateful to God and all the people at Hope and in the Atlanta church that helped make adopting Emerson a reality. During our trip, so many of the Chinese people would see her with us and say “lucky baby”. While I’m grateful for the compliment from our daughter’s fellow countrymen, I know in my heart of hearts that we’re the lucky ones.