Preparing to Adopt Emotionally
by Kent Brand
Many times couples who are thinking of adoption face infertility. With infertility there is a great sense of loss and difficult grieving.
There are five stages of grieving.
- First is shock and denial – “This can’t be true.”
- Second is bargaining – “Let’s work a deal with the doctor or God.”
- Third is anger – “Why are babies being thrown in trash cans and we can’t have a child?”
- Fourth is depression – “Why is everybody around me getting pregnant? I can’t take this anymore.”
- Fifth is resolution – Couples reach a reasonable degree of peace about their decision.
How do you get to the fifth stage? Talk, talk, talk! Talk with your spouse, a trusted friend, a mentor, a minister or spiritual leader or best of all, someone who has successfully faced infertility in the past.
Why do you need to resolve your grief? So anger and depression won’t come out on the child and you will be a better listener when your child faces grief.
The book, Adopting After Infertility, by Patricia Irvin Johnston is also highly recommended.
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