How To Prepare Your Birth Parent Letter

Co-Planning with Birth Parents Birth Parent Letter Preparation Picture Portfolio Preparation Posting Pictures on Waiting Families Webpage Loving your child's Birthmother Talking with Prospective Birth Parents

Adoptive parents often write their birth parent letter with a focus on themselves. Yet, it is a good idea to take the time to think about the birth parents and write a letter with them in mind. Try to put yourself in their shoes (usually the birth mother), and write your letter in such a way that would draw you, if you were the birth parent, into making a decision to place your child in the care of another family.

• A good letter is not necessarily a letter that describes you and your life well, even though that is needed, but one that reassures the birth parent(s) that their child will be very loved and have great opportunities in life.
  
• Be empathetic. This is one of the biggest, hardest, long-term choices they will make in life.
  
• You want to leave the birth parent(s) with the feeling that you care about them (likely her), not just that you want her child. This will give her confidence in you that you really will send letters and pictures and tell your adopted child that his/her biological parents love them and that is why the choice for adoption was made.
  
• The more you tell them about you for their sake (so they will be sure of their decision), the more secure they will feel about you—as opposed to just telling them about yourself so you will sound impressive. The focus is on their benefit, not yours (though most assuredly it will benefit you!).
  
• A suggestion, too, for married adoptive couples, is that you may want the letter to be written from the adoptive father’s perspective. It helps to show his interest in the birth mom and her child, and helps her feel more secure knowing that he, a man, respects her and is proud of her decision. If the husband writes the letter (and also signs his name first), it may help the birth mother feel more confident about his future role in the child’s life. This is often the very thing that she is not able to provide.
  
• A good length is one page.
  
• You will enclose one copy of this letter with your picture portfolio. A second copy of this letter will be used on the HOPE for Children website.
  
• Please email this letter to Kim@hopeforchildren.org, along with your photo for the Waiting Families web page.